AHS: WELCOME TO BRIARCLIFF!

I don't want to do a recap, Entertainment Weekly has already produced that on seven (!) pages, I can't possibly beat that (since I'm on that, I don't really think that what happens to Leo and Teresa deserves the whole page). But I can't restrain from the pleasure of introducing the characters.

Leo and Teresa (Adam Levine and Jenna Dewan) are the newlyweds, who are on a "haunted honeymoon" trip, because Teresa is apparently a horror freak. Their story happens in our time, while the rest of the show looks back to the year of 1964. So they get to the abandoned asylum to explore and have sex. Long strory short, Leo puts his hand with a phone to the food hatch in the locked door to see if anything is there. Oh, there is something there, alright. It grabs his hand and rips it off (haha! the best moment, he deserved it). 

Sister Jude (Jessica Lange, last season played the role of Constance Langdon), the person running the Briarcliff. She says that mental illness is a fashionable explanation for the sin and thus she sees her mission in making inmates of the asylum repent. And oh my, she's got great arsenal for that.

"Jude" in fact is a masculine name, it's a form of famous biblical name Judas/Judah. Just saying.

Dr. Arthur Arden (James Cromwell, first appearance), a man truly, insanely dedicated to science. He's catching up with aliens by running horrible, Nazi-style tests on patients of the asylum. Afterwards he feeds their flesh to the unknown beast(s) that, I suspect, he created.

Sister Mary Eunice (Lily Rabe, last season appeared as Nora Montgomery), Sister Jude's minion. It is said that other people think she's stupid, but in fact she doesn't seem that at all. Behind Sister Jude's back she's running errands for Dr. Arden, so no matter who wins the battle over the asylum, she stays (or maybe there's some other motive).

"Eunice" means "good/noble victory".

Monsignor Timothy Howard (Joseph Fiennes), a person behind the project of the asylum. Extremely ambitious, he believes this place will make him a cardinal and eventually, the Pope. Sister Jude seems to be sexually attracted to him. "Timothy" means "honoring God".

Kit Walker (Evan Peters, previously played Tate Langdon), a new inmate of the asylum, who allegedly killed three women, including his black wife, skinned them, chopped their heads off and wore their flesh. The press calls him Bloody Face.
Kit himself believes he and his wife were abducted by aliens and were performed tests on, police sends him to the Briarcliff to check if he is fit for the trial.
The name "Kit" means "bearer of the Christ"

Grace (Lizzie Brocheré), a patient who helps Kit by sharing her knowledge about the rules of the Briarcliff. She allegedly chopped up her entire family, which she claims isn't true (I think it is). She also suggests that being in Briarcliff alive is better than ending up electrocuted.

Shelley (Chloë Sevigny), a nymphomaniac (or "the victim of her own lust", as Sister Jude puts it). Nothing much happened to this character yet.

One of the meanings of her name is "a sheep", and the character is shaved like one in the first episode.

Lana (Banana) Winters (Sarah Paulson, played Bllie Dean, the medium, last season), an ambitious lesbian  reporter, who comes to the sanitarium to get an interview with Bloody Face. She is refused, but it doesn't stop her. She sneaks to the Briarcliff at night and thanks to her threats to Sister Mary Eunice, she is let to the ward where Bloody Face is kept. Unfortunately, she gets attacked by something, similarly to Leo. Sister Jude discovers that and is determined to lock Lana in the asylum, to treat her from homosexuality and keep the asylum secrets.

Wendy (Clea Duwall) is a school teacher and Lana's "roommate". Upon Lana's unfortunate admission to the asylum, Wendy signs petition that allows to lock her lover up, after Sister Jude threatens to expose her. This is my absolutely favorite part of the episode, Jessica Lange was just outstanding.