Jan 31, 2014


The witches have the last supper the night before they attempt to perform the Seven Wonders to figure out who the next Supreme is. Delia tells them to kick ass, she doesn't take part in the trials, 'cause she knows, she's not the one.

All four - Misty, Queenie, Zoe and Madison - pass the first test successfully, they use telekinesis to move candles. Then, the mind control test, where the girls cause each other a little harm, and Madison nearly makes Kyle strangle Zoe, but gets interrupted by Delia. Misty is the first one to get eliminated, as she fails the next task - unlike the other girls, she cannot return from her personal hell, where she has to dissect and resurrect the frog on repeat.

The three continue with the Wonders and play teleportation-tag outside the academy. The game gets Zoe killed - she teleports to the top of the gate, and the spikes pierce her body. Queenie fails to bring her back to life (how come she could do this to Misty last week?), so she's out. Madison refuses to perform the task on Zoe, she kills a fly instead and resurrects it. Like her predecessor, the supposed new Supreme cannot care less about the morals or the coven itself, so Cordelia mourns the end of witches.

But Myrtle has an epiphany - how could she not see this before? Delia has royal blood in her veins, she must be the next Supreme, not Madison! So Cordelia performs all the Wonders, including Divination - the one Madison fails. The starlet rushes to her room to pack and leave for Hollywood, threatening to tell TMZ all about the crazy w(b)itches, but she's followed by Kyle, and like Frankenstein, she dies from the hands of her own creation. Spalding appears to help Kyle get rid of her body. The perv probably takes her back to his attic. (What's up with the baby?!!)

Zoe is resurrected, and for some reason, she does not continue with the test, I guess, you die - you lose. Delia regains her sight and glowing health and gives an interview on TV, urging the young witches to come out and embrace their witchy selves, seek acceptance within the walls of Miss Robichaux's.

To spare her from unnecessary Watergate scandal, Myrtle convinces Cordelia to burn her at the stake for killing her fellow Council members. The last word she says on the show is Balenciaga!!!

Delia asks Zoe and Queenie to be her Council, and of course they agree. Suddenly, the new Supreme hears the voice of the old one. She finds Fiona, looking horrible, who's never been killed or fed to alligators as it turns out. She's just put the memory of murdering her inside Axeman's head to deceive Delia, with intentions to kill the next Supreme once the Seven Wonders test reveals who she is. She dies in her daughter's hands, hugging her for the first time in her life. Then Fiona wakes up in her hell: in the country house with the Axeman. In the beginning of the season, Fiona hears another chemo patient asking God to take her after her daughter's wedding, but she misses this sign and instead of trying to connect with Cordelia, she wishes for a man to belong to. Now, in hell, she's asking for her daughter, but it's too late.

Delia and her Council open the doors of the academy and the young witches flood the building. The coven is safe, the witches thrive.

Like other seasons of AHS, Coven is full of metaphors.Yes, it portrays the world of women, where men are nothing but a threat, a weakness, a punishment or an unnecessary (unwanted) help, but for me it's not what it's about.

It's about looking closely at what you believe you are and questioning this belief, like Delia; it's about taking your second chance to become a better version of yourself or wasting it, like Madison or Delphine; about being able to look beyond the misery you're in or be consumed by it, like Misty; about taking the responsibility for your actions, like Myrtle; about being able to realize that the family you want is not the family you have, and let the pain of bitter disappointment go.

The attempt to show all of this with the help of Urban Dictionary and high fashion is interesting, but not entirely successful. I just wish they'd put a little more effort to it.

Jan 24, 2014


This week a bunch of characters finally got what they deserved, so even the excessively long "silent film" intro could not ruin the episode.

Queenie wants to know what happened to Marie, so she goes to hell, which takes a form of a fast food restaurant for her, to speak to Papa Legba. He tells her that Delphine cut Marie into many pieces and spread them around New Orleans. Queenie asks Papa to make Laveau mortal again, as she's clearly in the breach of contract now that she can't physically fulfill Papa's requests, and he agrees.

Delphine takes a tour around her former house and is displeased to find that some details of her life are slightly exaggerated. She lures the tour guide to the attic, calls bullshit on her, knocks her out and takes her place, where Queenie finds her. The black witch gives LaLarie a chance to repent and make amends, but the sadist is not sorry for what she's done and even dares to give a speech about the hypocrisy of modern world. A serial killer judging Antony Weiner (DANGER!) and Paula Deen - what could be funnier? As she finishes with some racial statement, Queenie puts a knife in her chest and sends her to hell - LaLaurie's attic, where she must watch how her daughter is tortured by Laveau, who, by the way, is sentenced to harm an innocent for eternity.

Delia regains her inner sight and sees that Fiona intends to kill all the witches, including Delia herself. She pays a visit to the Axeman and tells him that her mother, being a heartless bitch she is, will definitely ditch him (she should know). He later finds Fiona's plane ticket and confronts her. She admits she doesn't love him and has never planned to stay with him forever, so he kills her with his axe and feeds her body to alligators, and we never get to learn what happened to the cat she used to have when she was a kid.

Zoe and Kyle return to the academy, as Zoe resurrects some rude guy after her boyfriend kills him, and thinks she's the next Supreme. Misty, released by Queenie and Cordelia from the tomb comes back as well and beats the shit out of Madison. The spectacular fight is interrupted by the Axeman, who is stupid enough to think he could kill all the witches on his own. Delia sees what he's done to her mom, and he dies exactly like he did the first time - stabbed many-many times.

Now that the old Supreme is gone, the girls must attempt to perform the seven wonders to establish who takes the throne.

Jan 17, 2014


Once again the series dive into origins of monstrosity: a great deal of the latest episode is dedicated to LaLaurie and her path to her somewhat eccentric hobby. In short, she's enjoyed dismembering living things since childhood, and when she moved to the US, it was time to level up.

The witches gather to bury Nan, who, according to Fiona, fell in the tub, and this is when Queenie and LaLaurie (head and body back together) choose to appear. Queenie's survived Hank's attack, despite having been shot with an enchanted bullet, and fixed her racist friend. Both of them are welcomed back to the academy, where Queenie cleans her room from Misty's hippie things and yells at Delia, calling her weak, and Delphine enjoys some practical jokes, like feeding the coven with Madison's shit, and tortures a wounded black gardener next to Spalding's doll collection. As she's about to finish, Spalding's spirit appears and promises her assistance in killing Laveau, if she buys a super expensive doll for him. So she does, and gets a pack of Benadril and instructions to put the pills into Marie's drink.

Zoe's discovers that Fiona and Marie drowned Nan, but she's distracted by Madison, who acts out after Kyle rejects her, promises to take him back to pieces and tries to harm Zoe. The act is interrupted by Myrtle, who later gives some jewelry to Zoe and tells her to take the boy and run. Kyle cries and hesitates, but eventually agrees, so they manage to get on a bus.

Fiona, Marie and the Axeman meet with the witch hunters and kill them all. When they return, Delphine makes sure Laveau drinks the magic pills and hits her with the knife, Dexter style. Unfortunately, that does not work, but Spalding knocks the voodoo witch out and lets Delphine decide what to do with her. Turns out he helped LaLaurie, because he wanted to get a hold of the living doll - the baby that was meant for Papa Legba.

Oh, and Delia stabbed her eyes out, one by one? to regain her inner sight.

They say next season will be a period 1950s drama.

Jan 10, 2014


It's time to admit that season 3 has been nothing but a bitter disappointment, and there's no hope for improvement. Besides, I suspect Murphy is too occupied with The Normal Heart for HBO to pay enough attention to the series he's seemingly already bored with.

This week we (and Fiona) finally learn Marie's secret: she sold her soul to a French speaking and cocaine sniffing Rob Zombie look-alike - Papa Legba in exchange for everlasting life. On top of her soul she promised him a favour every year, which she thought was nothing more than friendship with benefits, but he had no interest in sex (figures). The first year he's asked for Marie's own newborn, further on she had to look for somebody else's babies. Every time she feels like the baby's hers, so the price is not that low.

Inspired by the story, Fiona tries to cut a deal with Papa, sadly, turns out she has no soul to trade. So she decides to kill every young witch in the coven, 'cause it's impossible to say who the Supreme-to-be is: they all seem growing stronger. Well, except for poor Cordelia.

Not only she seems to have lost all her magic powers, but is devastated by Marie's confession of hiring Hank, who she (Delia) learns was a professional witch hunter. Fiona, like most mothers in her position, puts the blame on her daughter and even slaps her. She refuses to accept Delia's help when performing a ritual to take the Corporation's money and basically implies her daughter is a complete failure. Auntie Myrtle confirms her words by suggesting Delia to become a cruise hostess or start a small salad dressing production line. I now believe Cordelia is the next Supreme.

The series characters though still bet on Misty, Fiona even arranges a private Stevie Nicks concert for her (I'm not a fan, so...). All of this upsets Madison-The-Attention-Whore, so to pay back for her own resurrection she has Misty buried alive.

Nan also uses her newly discovered mind control gift for evil: she forces Luke's mom to drink a bottle of bleach as an act of retribution for what she's done to her son. Well, as Fiona says later in the show, the bitch had it coming.

Unfortunately, the new power was insufficient to protect her from Marie and Fiona, who decided to give her soul to Papa instead of an infant Marie stole from the hospital. Though Nan was not that innocent after the murder she's committed, Papa settled for her soul and took it some place dark, supposedly, hell.

I guess now it comes to how all/the majority of characters die. too bad I don't feel a thing when it happens.